Hello!! I only just posted on The Facebook that I’ve been busy with study and that I’ll be back soon. Well I am QUEEN of procrastinating and decided to post today!
I have learned a lot about myself in the last few years. I did things I never thought I’d do. I became the best version of myself I’ve ever been and then the worst version.
I have told you many times about my anxiety and panic attacks. I became obsessed with finding the cause. This obsession came and trampled on everything… all my hopes and dreams; my beliefs and compassion. The very essence of my being was lost in amongst my obsession to find the cause of my issues. I stopped doing yoga and meditating. I stopped looking after my body, my home. I became judgmental, angry, lost, depressed. Not only was I spiraling down into my own abyss, I was bringing the one I love most with me.
I used to write so called ‘epiphanies’ down on whatever I could find during my self reflection process after a panic attack. The last one I wrote was about 3-4 months ago:
Maybe I have anxiety & panic attacks because I am resisting my spiritual side?? Well I’ma fix that!!
It just sat there, in big black sharpie, on my desk.. In fact, it’s still there. Only now do I realise I was pretty spot on.
I was brought up in a religious environment. I only really decided that organised religion is not for me in the last 2 years. I think that was a big contributor to my panic attacks. Denying something you have somewhat believed in for your whole life is a pretty crazy thing. This very battle brought about a lot of my anxieties. I had to completely assess what I believed and what I didn’t. This took time and a lot of self doubt. Then came the feeling of being lost and everything else. Not to mention things like ‘What will my family say?’, ‘They’ll be so disappointed’ etc etc. I was too unhappy and I was numb. I was so freakin’ numb. Things I never thought I would ever consider appealing were beginning to become appealing. My thoughts were scaring me. Scaring me enough to decide that my happiness (and R’s) is way more important than anything else. And so I found my way back to my path.
I looked in temples, churches and mosques. But I found the Divine within my heart – Rumi
Doing yoga and meditation every day has changed my life in ways I could never have anticipated. Not only am I becoming fit and flexible but my mental state is conscious. I am consciously making the effort to not judge. Something as trivial as judging..but we often do it without even noticing. I’ve began truly, honestly thinking about what I’m about to say and how it will effect those around me.
If the words you spoke appeared on your skin would you be more careful about what you said? – Ronita Bigal
My self awareness has taught me (again):
- To let go of the past. There’s no changing it.. unless you’re Hiro Nakamura. Why obsess over something you cannot change. Yes, we can learn from the past but dwelling on it isn’t healthy for you or anyone you associate with. It’s harder than you think but totally achievable. What’s done is done. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself, forgive others and move on.
- To let go of expectations. Expectations are usually associated with the future. There is no way you can know what the future will hold.. unless you’re Hiro Nakamura. Set goals and have aspirations but don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t turn out exactly how you planned. Go with the flow.
- Live for the now not for tomorrow, or for next week. Live right now. Be completely present in what you are doing at this very moment. Be present.
The amount of times I hear people tell me that they have children and they have dinner and housework and all this stuff.. yes, it’s stressful, but come on. It doesn’t need to be as stressful as you make it out to be especially if you let go of expectations and just go with the flow. I know, I’m young, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But trust me, you will enjoy your stressful times like cooking dinner and bath time, work and all those things a lot more if you stay completely present in the tasks. Trust me. It’s easy to be productive and get things done when you’re present. You’ll be surprised at how much more efficient you become. Memories aren’t only made on special occasions, there’s opportunities to make memories every second of every day. We just don’t see it because we’re too caught up in the past or the future. Oops ranting sorry, moving on.
- Just to let things go. ‘Let it go‘ has become my theme song. Whenever I feel myself getting caught up in worrying about the future, or thinking about things that I don’t need to concern myself with. Even just how so-n-so said something and blah blah blah.. I just say, Let it go. Let it go and surrender to the flow. Don’t hold onto unnecessary baggage and forgive.
- And most of all..Don’t keep doing things or associating yourself with things that make you unhappy. Your happiness is the most important thing to you and your family if it’s not, it should be. Make changes to make your life better.
I’ve surrendered to the flow and stopped fighting. I am healthier, fitter, more energetic, more connected and full of love than I have ever been. I have more self confidence and more trust in my intuition then ever before. I have accomplished things I never thought I could. I am Happy. I also know, that no matter how far you stray from your path, you will always find your way back.
This post has turned out nothing like I planned. haha
I’ve been quite active on the instagram you can follow me there if you like.. @lizthinksallowd
Keep it real,