I woke up in a horrid mood today. Everything felt heavy. Like concrete chained to my feet, pulling me down. I was suffocating, gasping for air. Snapping at the people I love because they weren’t helping me. They couldn’t. How could they if I couldn’t even pin point what was bringing me down? How could they if I wasn’t reaching out for them?
I have a little self reflection process at the end of the day. It’s part of my winding down routine. I reflect on the day I’ve had and figure out what I could have done differently and pat myself on the back for the things I did awesomely. I try to learn from my mistakes and tomorrow I start with a clean slate. A chance to do better. During this process tonight I could not figure out what it was that put me in such a down, frustrated, emotionally exhausted, ready to give up type mood. Then something clicked. Sometimes things I have no control over effect me in ways I don’t understand.
There are some pretty scary things happening in the world daily. Today the news of MH17. All those people lost; all the families effected. It was the tip of the iceberg for me.
I can’t help it. It hurts. It makes me sad. There are massive amounts of people being killed everyday, all over the world. I see it on my news feed almost constantly. Update, after update. Numbers rising. There’s only so much bad news I can take. Some would say turn a blind eye, but that makes me feel guilty. Ignorance is not an option.
My heart is heavy.
The only way I can deal is to Love. The only way I can cope is to send good vibes out into the world and hope they reach the people who need them the most. I don’t know what else to do. I want to make more of an impact, but love is all I got; for now.
Sometimes it all gets too much.