I’ve always gotten frustrated with the human race at one time or another but I have noticed it has become much harder to just push it aside and not let it effect me. People are driving me nuts. My patience has been tested and pulled to full tension for a while now and I think it’s starting to let go, one strand at a time. I need to get on top of it because I do not want to have a melt down. I’m telling you, it’s brewing and things could get messy.
I’m seriously contemplating taking a vow of silence or only sharing my opinions in written form. That way, people can access them and stop reading half way through a sentence when they want to and I won’t have to know about it. Over the past few months I have found myself in conversations where it comes my turn to share my view or opinion and half way through my sentence, someone starts talking over the top of me OR completely changes the subject, blatantly NOT listening to what I have to say. I refuse to talk over the top of people. I like to listen to what they’re saying take it on board and speak when it’s my turn. I don’t like it when people are just waiting for their turn to speak and honestly, it’s not hard to recognise when someones doing exactly that.
Now that I’ve thought about it, I remember feeling somewhat the same when I was younger. I used to sit with the adults and try to be part of their conversation and the same thing would happen. I’d get Cut off, or ignored and then someone would say exactly what I had just finished saying. I ended up just sitting and listening, fed up with the constant rejection of my thoughts and opinions. It got to the point where I would go sit on the computer or on my phone, talking to people who actually listened to my opinion, which in turn got me into trouble because I was being ‘anti-social’.
I wonder what I am doing wrong? I thought it was just because I was young and brought up with the ‘Children should be seen and not heard’ line. But now I am older and I’m still having the same issue. I’m not sure how to fix it but for now, I will withdraw myself from the conversation. Not so I am rude and not involved but just listening. Until I can figure out what it is I am doing wrong to make people want to cut me off mid sentence. The thing that is the most frustrating is that I actually have valid points and idea’s to put forward about what is being discussed.
I lost my cool the other night. There was finally a break in conversation for me to share a view, and R cut me off not even 4 words in, I told him what he had just done and left the conversation for a toilet break, in more of a huff than I anticipated. I came back, sat down and listened. I felt like I was listening to Question time in Parliament. Everyone was yelling over the top of each other refusing to stop talking once the other person cut them off and it was very overwhelming and uncomfortable. Is that just how conversations are and I’m being overly sensitive?
I can feel myself wanting to withdraw and I just want to run away to another country and get lost for while.
I’m not cut out for this crazy world. I care too much.
Keep it real,