Roughly 6 months ago I made the decision to pack up my life and move to the other side of the country.
At first the decision was easy, either I went with him, or I would never see him. I quickly realised that really wasn’t an option. Then there was the saying good-bye to family, resigning from the job I had been working for 4yrs to get, renting out our house, renovating it before renting it, how would we get the dogs over? Do we take the dogs? Can we afford it? etc.
I resigned, renovated a 3 bdrm house, sorted and packed the contents of a 3bdrm house and completely cleaned a 3bdrm house in 2 months (come on, I’m proud of that) with little to no money. By the end, we had about $100 left to our name. Within those 2 months I was told my Pop was dying, my partner was in hospital and my little sister was in a pretty serious car accident within days of each other.
By the end of those 2 months, I was a mess. I started having panic attacks. I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time but I can now pin point, they were the beginning of my panic attacks.
We made it to our new house, and within the first 2 weeks I had my first, full blown, panic attack. I had them pretty regularly for months to follow. I then became depressed. I was depressed because I thought I was stronger than that. I thought I could handle all the stress I went through.
This was the beginning of my downward spiral. I would remind myself constantly that I was in a small town, that I didn’t know anybody, that I was alone. I would spend day in, day out in bed. Housework piling up. My eyes turning square from all the television shows and movies I was watching. Hiding from the family just how bad it really was.
I then got sick of being sick and noticed it taking a toll on my relationship, so I declared my passion was: To find my passion! *fist pump*
I needed a hobby.
- Hooping – fun but I couldn’t do it all day every day.
- Drawing/painting – good but no inspiration.
- Reading – what do I read?
- Yoga – meh
- Fitness – erghhhh
- Cooking – CBF
- Baking – Its too hot here
- Gardening – Nothing grows here
- Surfing – Beach is too far away
The list seemed endless. Nothing I did really took my fancy. I started typing things into Google like “What’s my purpose in life?” and “What is life even for?” and “Why do I feel so numb?” and “How do I find my passion?”
I stumbled across a website that said type the question “what is my purpose in life?” and then answer it. By the time you get to the third answer, you should be crying and that is your purpose! So I did. 6 pages later, I still haven’t cried, and I’m still adding to the list. (lamest exercise ever)
I tried to become more interactive on my Tumblr, but that ended with no response and me getting uber frustrated and typing out a post explaining that in detail (sorry tumblr).
One day, when I was surfing the interwebs, it hit me. BLOGGING. So I sat there and thought about it long and hard, “If I have a blog, I have to do things, to blog about!”
So here I am. I’m Eliza, nice to meet you.
Since making this simple decision, I have payed more attention to my partner, my dogs and myself. I have also discovered I had developed a gluten intolerance and feel a million times better after cutting it out. Crazy how a blog can change your outlook on things… craaazy.
If I have learned anything from my last 6 months that would be:
- Never give up when you’re feeling down. Find that motivation to get you up and moving again.
- Listen to your body, its probably telling you something.
- Nothing is impossible, if you really put your mind to it.
- Google knows a lot, but not everything.
Woah, now that was a lecture and a half.
Keep it real,